Some nights ago, before bed, I was chatting with Soph about how her day went, when she suddenly brought up the topic of her great-grandmother.

I was a little surprised because, to be honest, we rarely see her, so this sudden remark was quite out of norm.

A little backstory: Great-grandma’s health was declining; her memory is failing, she doesn’t eat, and recently she fell and broke a plate in the kitchen, hurting herself in the process. So my aunt and uncles have concluded that it is best for her to be in a nursing home where there will be medical professionals and caretakers 24/7.

I never really told my girls about great-grandma’s recent relocation because they were too young to comprehend, so i was taken totally by surprise when Sophie suddenly started crying about great-grandma being put in a nursing home. I later found out that she may or may not have read the messages in the family Whatsapp group. How she got access to Whatsapp you may ask? Well, ‘perks’ of online schooling, to say the very least.

Anyway, I digressed.

I did my best to explain to her why great-grandma had to be put in a home, all the while she was sobbing in between, and calmed down a little, then back to crying again. Oh my dear child!

After a little coaxing and further investigative questions, she revealed to me that she had been feeling down and frustrated about the whole lockdown situation.

“I cannot go out and play at the playground, or see my friends, or go back to school. The shopping mall is closed and we also cannot do many things except stay at home. I hate covid and I feel frustrated!”

We have been hermits for almost a year. No school, no outings, no playdates – just home and it’s surroundings.

The routine of online schooling and daily indoor activities have somewhat put structure in my children’s lives but the inevitable happened; her mental health is affected. She feels frustrated, anxious, sad, stressed.

She didn’t know what was going on in her emotional and mental state, trying to adjust to the sudden lockdown and social separation is more than she can handle. But the fact that it took her so long to finally burst… It could be due to the hectic school schedule and school work that kept her busy from addressing her emotions.

Anyway, I started off by explaining once more why we were in lockdown and why it was necessary. And no it wasn’t any fun. I told her that whatever it was she was feeling and thinking, was what we adults were going through too. Although it may seem like we have it all under control, it was just that we were better at managing our thoughts and emotions. Well, slightly better i suppose. But it didnt mean that we weren’t going through the same depressing things.

I encouraged her to look at the better things that happened during this lockdown instead; us spending more quality time together with each other, her and Sarah bonded better and, due to this, Sarah began to talk more. We made more home cooked meals together which equates to healthier food for healthier bodies. We spent more time talking to God and praying.

She asked ‘Why did God let this covid thing to happen?’

My reply, ‘Let me ask you something. What’s the first thing you think about when you go to a friend’s birthday party? Well for me, the first thing i think about is the cake! Because I love desserts. But that’s not what birthdays are all about, right? Yes, cakes are yummy, but what it should be about is celebrating our friend’s big day – their birthday!

‘Maybe we have been living our lives quite selfishly, whether we know it or not.. I don’t know why God allowed this to happen..’

‘Maybe He just wants us to be more caring and loving to others? Less about ourselves, more about others. Right now, so many people have lost their jobs, with little food and money, and wondering what their future will be.. some even lost their homes.. But there are people who lend a helping hand to them; giving food or money. Or even just to listen and be there for them. I don’t know why, but this is what I see happening around me at this time. People helping people..’

We continued chatting about other good things that happened and I concluded to her that when bad things happen, it is okay to feel sad and upset about it, but what’s more important is that we look towards the good things that happened too. And make the best out of the situation we are in right now.

After the talk, she felt a lot better and promptly stopped crying. She went to wash her tear-stricken face and drank some water. We ended in prayer and she felt a lot better and calmly went to sleep.

I suppose it was a good thing she found out about her great-grandma being placed in a nursing home; else we wouldn’t have found out the deep-seated emotions and reasons for them.. and we wouldn’t be having a much needed chat about it, either.

If you’re a parent, I urge you to check in with your kids. Regardless of age. Social media constantly talks about mental health for adults but few speak about our children.

Some children can be good at keeping things to themselves. Perhaps they feel their problems seem minor and petty. Or it could simply be because they might not even know the underlying causes for such emotions. It’s up to us parents to help and respond accordingly, especially if they are much younger.

If you feel something isn’t right, listen to your instincts.

There are many resources out there (literally at our fingertips) to help us gain more knowledge on mental health for children. Join webinars, speak to your child’s doctor or do more research on the topic to find out more. For the more time constrained, search for legitimate podcasts discussing this subject for listening on the go or while cooking and cleaning.

Update: my girls have their good and bad days, as we all do. While she hasn’t brought up the topic of her great-grandma since, she still goes through some tough days. During those days, extra love and hugs and longer chats were given.

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